It is Sunday night at 11:15, the perfect time to blog? Sleep would probably be better, but blog it is. I felt like sharing an experience I had a few years ago.
So, I went to hair school and loved it. I love doing hair, and I actually really loved getting to know cool girls from other religions. Being a Mormon from Mesa, Arizona, I kind of was in a mormon bubble, which was great, but it was refreshing to hop out of the bubble for four hours a day at school. Religion came up a lot, and I was interested in hearing their views, just like they were interested in my weird church :) A question I got repeatedly, No drinking... EVER?!
Anyways, so one day I was talking to a girl and religion came up. I don't know how we got on this subject, but she was talking about if a God really even existed. She brought up my medical problems, and said something like, "I don't think I believe in a God because there is so much bad in the world. How would a God allow that to happen? Take you for example, why would a God love you, but let you be so sick and have to deal with so much?"
As I thought about it, my heart tightened up in my chest and I got that drowning feeling. There is no way in the world, that I could live, not believing in a God. I am NOT just a random genetic mutation. I am NOT just a fluke, an accident, a mistake, a burden. (well, burden, yes, but some of that has to do with my stubborn side, not just my expensive medical bills) ;).
I was put on this Earth with this crummy body for a reason. It is hopefully the biggest trial I will have to face, but I am not just doomed. Thinking of being a person who doesn't believe in God, I could see why some people would be so depressed! Life would seem somewhat worthless, especially for someone like me who can't live a life they really want to.
Luckily I have sunshine, not drowning doom in my thoughts. Instead of being a forgotten corpse, I will gain a perfect body when I die. Perfect! I will get to finally know what it feels like to have a functioning body, and I will be blessed for enduring to the end. That's my goal at least, to endure to the end :) Instead of spina bifida turning me into a forlorn, depressed creature, I am trying to turn it into a positive. Trying being the key word. Because of my medical conditions, I am more empathetic to people with issues because I know what issues feel like. I may not have the same issues, but issues are issues, and I know pain. I still take things for granted alllllllll the time, but I sometimes can appreciate the good just that much more because it is so different than the opposite I have felt. Making lemonade is much better than sucking on sour lemons.
I am going to deal with the life given to me to gain an eternal reward in the end. God exists, and even in the crummiest of crummy times he is there, even if you can't tell. It is so much easier to write like this, because my health has taken a turn for the better, but it is still possible to know you are loved and cared about by a heavenly being who wants the best for you and can't wait to be with you again even when the darkness seems to have you surrounded. Be a better person than me and figure this out during the trials not after ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment